I just realized, my last two posts were part of my story, but I’d rather turn on a positive note instead because I usually use discretion on social media for bio mom not to look a fool or be offended, I keep it low profile with me and my bonus son. Not necessarily posting about him often so it’s not a slap in the face for mom if someone sends her my post.
Tonight has been a goodnight because he reminds me just how much he loves me, he does his night time prayers with us and hugs & kisses. He truly amazes me, only because I never thought of myself in this position. I couldn’t be any happier, and honestly he seems happy here, I don’t speak bad about his mom nor do I shut her name out of our home. He freely talks about her and I praise his relationship with her and I reassure him when he used to miss her that I do not doubt she misses him so much too. These moments along with my 2 bio sons, I couldn’t ask for anything better. I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel of struggle and it’s truly amazing!!!
I thank my bonus son to no end for teaching me this life I live today or playing an important role to get me here. ❤️❤️
High conflict bio mom. It started after my 3rd year with my husband(boyfriend at the time). She had tried to call him on 3 different occasions drunk every time. I actually was civil about it because I didn’t want to ruin my relationship with their son and our relationship. first time it happened I confronted her, second time it happens I confronted her again, last time I came down hard about it said “the only time you should be speaking to *** is about your guys child, I don’t appreciate you stepping in and this continuing to happen, I expect it to stop because you’re only harming my and your relationship and I love your guys son deeply and you’re making this harder then it should be.” She agreed and it died down for a bit. She would go through her binge drinking and one Easter I tried to pick my bonus son up since I had been taking a couple of my friends kids to the Easter bunny and bio mom wouldn’t allow me to get him. Her words to his dad, ” I don’t need her raising my kid for you.” (As he’s with her fiancé at the time while she’s been on a binge) 👏🏼👏🏼
We move past this and I never engaged in anything with her just conversation in civil terms in public and so forth. Then it gets ugly because she starts to control my relationship. My husband(boyfriend at the time), would get so mad at me when she would take offense to a post on Facebook and I was like wtf? 🤨 of course I confronted that because I ain’t one to take *shiii that I don’t deserve, it was an on going battle but it eventually led somewhere. Bio mom used their son against him for years….
I mean years…Shit she even controlled when he could and could not come over and they moved whenever she wanted no consulting with his dad nothing. My husband didn’t know his rights and that’s when it began. I started documenting and saving all the crap on her and her Facebook, texts and more. Bio mom and I haven’t had a relationship for about 3.5 years now, and I think it’s because I wouldn’t have her shit.
I will go on with the story, I do want to say that I look at things on both sides and the effort of my husband back than wasn’t the way it is today, so I can see why bio mom blames me, my husband grew and became confident in his role as a father. (To be continued!)
Off topic for my last post but,
I recently read an article about change and the transition period and how the cycle happens and you loose your funk or momentum even in the things you enjoy most and find yourself in this mode where you are reflecting on your past or present situations and you start analyzing it. Well I’m stuck here, but I don’t know what the big change is to come yet.
I have been in the reflection stage and have yet to gone through the full cycle to move forward. I know I’ll figure it out eventually but it tends to leave you questioning things. I am thankful for the support group I have and the friends I lean on, because honestly I couldn’t be more happy where I am because I have grown to be the person I am. I have struggled to be where I am at and I am damn proud of it.
I guess it’s a lot harder to find where to start. I believe starting with if you told me 8 years ago I’d be in the position I’m in now I would have laughed at you and said “hell no, I don’t date men with kids” I never wanted the baby momma drama, well life happens and the one person I truly fell in love with had a child. So I was determined to love him too.
Little background on my husband. He had never been in an intimate relationship with bio mom of his(our) 11yo son. He has had to worship her or he couldn’t see his son. If she didn’t get what she wanted she held their son against him. He didn’t know his rights prior to our relationship. His parents passed while he was young and before his child was born. Bio mom had told him “she’s not sure who the dad was.”
My husband and I grew into the couple we became today by having similar life goals and interests in mind. I by passed that he had a child in the beginning, but when introduced and such, we clicked. It took a few visits but we had a good friendship. Over time I decided to move to our home town so he didn’t need to decide who he’d be able to see on his time off work because he works construction.
Nearly a year into our relationship i moved into his family home which he maintained after his parents passing and was able to visit with his(our) son often. Bio mom basically texted my husband after she found out we were dating saying “so happy you’re not with your ex no more, at-least sr will be a good girl for you I approve of her.” He never replied back and let it bypass and thought it was weird that she approved me.
Believe it or not, Bio mom and I had a great relationship in the beginning! I literally thought my child hood fears of baby momma drama wouldn’t be in my future. BUT, I was wrong. This is going to go on forever, so I’ll do another thread later to continue my story.
So it begins, I have always wanted to start a blog. The only thing that usually stopped me was the idea of it being public and people shamming the people involved, so I finally decided that as I go I will keep a neutral environment, but also keeping everyone’s names private and secure, so sorry if it may be vague posts, but I respect others privacy. I am not here to shame, but to hopefully help ease others that may be dealing with similar issues.
Hopeful, easiest term to use in this long journey ahead.